.sniffle.

..as he stood on stage, all alone, with the spotlight shining on just him..he looked so vulnerable. Our worship leader, for once, was not jumping around with his guitar in tow and singing..instead, he was there to share his past week. Hand grasping the microphone, he started,

"You know, my wife Alex and i, we've been praying for a baby all these years, and for three years we've been praying faithfully for one..and when we finally got one, we were so overjoyed. She was our miracle baby. And just 8 weeks ago, i was in London, and when i landed, Alex called and told me 'i think we're pregnant.' i was overjoyed.."

..everyone in the crowd cheered, and whistled. couples hugged.

"..and just 2 weeks ago we were scheduled for a scan at the hospital. and so we were there and all ready to see this second miracle child on his way to being born..but when Alex laid there and the Doctor scanned around for the baby, there was nothing there. Nothing except a black hole where the baby was supposed to be."

..and as i stood there, one hand holding my communion bread and the other my wine, the blow came hard. something in me rushed up, and i suddenly wanted to run up and tell him it'd be fine..

"..that night i cried my eyes out and i asked God 'why God? why do this to me?' and He spoke to me. He told me that sometimes the devil comes and he takes away what He created..just to try and block out God and see if we have enough faith to trust Him that everything will work out again..and just last week we were in Geelong having a performance, and Alex held my hand and told me 'we could go home and cry tonight, or we could celebrate Him."

..my eyes blurred. The wine started to spill a little and i realised it was my hands trembling.

"...you know, i could choose to be sitting at home and blaming everything in the world. but no, i choose to come up here tonight just like i did last week and the week before and celebrate Him. Because it's during our darkest times when we should celebrate Him. Because His name is worthy, and He will make everything right again. I refuse to let anything else get me down."

..and as he led us through worship, i closed my eyes and i prayed. For him. For Alex, his wife. For them to know that even though their child was gone, that they were not alone. That he would be strong. And then i opened my eyes, and he was back to the usual worship leader again - jumping around, singing his voice out and cheering like it was the highlight of his week. And for 5 minutes, i stood there and stared at him, awestruck.

How could someone so righteous, so faithful, and so deserving of the only thing he ever asked for be dealt such a cruel card? and how come it was him, who was the person suffering the pain, who was on stage telling us to celebrate when he was the one who hurt the most?

then it hit me -

God's children are always celebrating; be it in pain or in victory. Always.

..i closed my eyes, letting myself dwell in that immense sorrow for half a minute, then prayed a short prayer, ate my bread and drank the wine. Looking up, everything was back to the usual. Everyone was jumping, and everyone was singing.

I allowed myself one tear, for his loss. And then i opened my mouth and sang along with the congregation that night.

To you, Henry Seeley. One of the bravest man of God i've ever seen.

-lu